Fun – On being happily married.

A few years ago, while visiting my aunt and uncle in Minnesota, I slept in my cousin Sarah’s childhood room. She is married with two children and is one of the most tenderhearted people I know. She thinks and feels and loves deeply.  She is a “long-hugger.” Even though she is many years younger than I (She was just 5 years old when Rob and I got married), I have learned important things from her – I wonder if she knows this?

On the wall outside Sarah’s room was a piece of artwork (I assumed she created it, but I might have made that up.) As I remember, it was red and had sort of a patchwork of hearts and flowers with words of “life advice” painted in squares. It caught my eye, but for all its visual appeal, the only thing I am remembering with accuracy is one phrase that I almost missed:

“Be fun to live with.”

Wow.

I don’t know about you, but that is not something that anyone ever told me was important to “Be.” Don’t get me wrong – I got a lot of good life advice and coaching on qualities that were important: “Be responsible.” Got it.  “Be on time.” Yup.  “Be reliable.” Certainly. “Be a person of principle.”  “Be a good friend.”  “Be a worker who earns her keep.” “Be your own person.” “Be good.” “Be careful.” “Be considerate.”

I have always enjoyed having fun. And sometimes (if I do say so myself) I can be fun-ny. But I’m not sure that being “fun to live with” comes naturally to me. Honestly, my bent toward details, strong sense of duty, and love for correct grammar likely make me more of the “buzz-kill” type. Of the two of us, Rob is the one who brings the fun. But in the months since reading these five little words, I have realized that this is something I can learn and practice.

Being more intentional about this in my marriage and with our family is adding joy to my life. The shift is so subtle, it may not be noticeable to anyone around me, but in moments when my nature has me programmed to respond with worry, frustration or criticism, I try to ask myself, “Is there a way to be fun in this instead?” or “Is this something I can shrug off and laugh about?” It’s not a matter of lowering my expectations of those around me, it’s a matter of raising my standards for the way I treat them.

Besides, focusing on being more fun is helping me have more fun.

Thanks, Sarah! (Even if that painting wasn’t yours.)