“Halfway to Ninety”

I celebrated a birthday last week.  Nick was kind enough to do the math for me.  I really do love that boy!

Yesterday I discovered a new, extremely deep, alarming and offensively unattractive crease in my chin.  I pressed my face with my hands in all sorts of weird possible sleeping contortions but could not figure out how it got there.  I am happy to say that it is gone today, so maybe it was a fluke.  More than likely, though, it will be back  – yesterday was just a preview of my rumpled face to come.  It reminded me of a piece of slam poetry I wrote (and a promise I made to myself) when prodded by my friend, Kim, who lives too far away to see as often as I would like.

Here it is…

On Embracing

I love her face
Weathered, creased,
Soft with age.
Ninety five!
Still a powerhouse
Moving too quickly to hug most days
Queen of two castles, north and south
Still on her own
Angel of mercy
The designated driver for
Friends whose children
Have taken away their license
To drive
Big white Florida cars.

She is still so “young”
Confused and frustrated
By the mirror’s reflection
“That is not who I am”
But there is no denying
The great grandchildren
And so,
She lies awake at night
With three generations
After her to worry for
Blessing.
Curse?

I wonder about me
Will I thrive at her age?
Will I embrace or disparage
(Or even worse
Be ungrateful for)
The years on my face?
Can I cheat
The menopausal destiny
Of sleeplessness?
(I so enjoy a peaceful sleep)
Can I escape
The tendency
(Nature? Nurture?)
Of my family’s women
To worry
About the generations?

Hear me now.
I vow
to limit Mirror time.
Just a glance
to check for spinach and boogers
(lest I offend)
Yet I will peer deeply into
the eyes and souls of
Younger people
To find myself and
To influence
Their impact
on the generations

I rest in and claim
The Peace of God.
I will pray for my kids
(and theirs and theirs)
I will leave the worrying
to Another
On sleepness nights
I will create
So that I will have more
In the morning
Than coffee and yawns

(Though, I do love coffee)

12/11/10 –KJP