On Embracing: Our Kids’ Milestones

It’s the season of graduations of all kinds, weddings and preparing for what’s next. It’s also a good time to reflect on an important truth:

As parents, our job is to work ourselves out of our job.

Over the course of 18 to 25-ish years (if there are no extenuating circumstances), we go from being 100% responsible for everything that has to do with our children to being (dare I say it?) obsolete.  Okay, now that I’ve said it, I am wishing I’d chosen a different word. (Consultants, maybe?)

Shortly after I became a mom for the first time, I pushed Elizabeth’s stroller across the threshold of a local “big-box” store. I was overwhelmed by how many things I could see just from the door – different household items, groceries, clothing. I thought “how am I going to teach her everything she needs to know about all this stuff?” But becoming a fully-functioning adult does not happen in one day – it happens bit-by-bit, over time. That means that, even though we often feel the urge to cling and hold ever-tighter, sometimes – most times, the best thing we can do for our children is to ease up and let go – so they can make the most of the bit-by-bit.

We would never stop a child from learning to walk or talk or lose teeth…why would we deny them any other stage?  Clearly, we may resist some of the milestones that happen when they’re older (driving, dating, going out with friends, leaving for college) because the result is we have less time with them, but if we are honest, it is also because of fear of the unknown, and the relinquishing of control. These are the times we find out if we really trust God with our kids… or not. 

There are definitely some losses we experience with our children’s increasing independence and young adulthood.  It’s healthy to acknowledge this. But when our kids reflect on their milestones, don’t we want them to remember that we were celebrating with them and cheering them on? Each milestone brings more opportunity to trust them, and to trust God, for that matter. In this way, their growing is part of our growing, too.

If you still have many years to go with kids at home, pay attention and soak it all up. If you’re sending someone off to college this fall, have a great summer, feel all of the feelings – and find fun ways to celebrate, even as the tears fall. And no matter what your kids’ ages, remember to invest in your first “baby’ – your marriage. It may not be easy, but I promise – it is worth it. Once your kids have “milestoned” their way out of the house, you will be so glad you did.