Contentment – On being happily married

Marriage is certainly hard work. To be successful at this takes two people, fully committed to one another, and to staying married. There is working together, there is learning, there are difficult days, difficult seasons, sometimes there are difficult decades. Tears, sweat, anguish, heartbreak – they are all part of the journey toward joy and triumph for most of us, I’d say.

After 27 years, I know more about how to be good at this than when we were first married.  I’ve learned more than I knew at year 10. I’m even better at it than I was when we hit the 25 year mark. I’m learning even today, and looking forward to the learning I’ll do tomorrow.

One important lesson I’ve learned is the power of Contentment. It has the power to move a struggling marriage toward health. Contentment has the power to move a good marriage in the direction of greatness.

I used to believe that wives and husbands who were happy were the result of spouses who were doing things well. That is only marginally true. The bigger contributor to a person’s happiness is how content he or she is even when his or her circumstances and mate aren’t perfect.

(Being content is different than being complacent. I am not talking about complacency here. When something in a relationship is broken, it is wrong not to work toward fixing it.)

When I am content with the husband I have, the one whom God has given me, the way he is today, I am free to shrug off the small offenses. I am free to enjoy being with him without trying to fix or change him. I forgive more quickly. I see strengths in the foreground and let areas of weakness or limitation blur into the background. I don’t criticize him in front of others. This is certainly the way I want to be accepted and loved – how about you?

When I am content and full of grace, there is less friction.  There is more laughter.

As prone to criticism as I can be of my husband, I can be even more so of myself – particularly of my body. This is a trap – truly a spiritual battle. You see, when I am content with myself, I am comfortable in my skin. I am free to like myself – to enjoy being in this body – the one that God has given me, the way it looks today. Contentment with my body makes it easier to see myself through my husband’s eyes. It also makes it easier to receive his affection. It was liberating for me to consider the possibility that something I see as a flaw in my appearance might be a feature he finds beautiful – or at least finds cute or endearing. After all, God is merciful, is He not?

Contentment fuels all the best emotions and sets a beautiful cycle in motion. Because we both feel accepted and affirmed, there is more opportunity for the best kinds of intimacy, which make our bonds even stronger and our marriage even healthier.

Want to improve your marriage? Resolve to develop contentment. Accept your spouse as a gift from God. Accept yourself. Laugh out loud. Love often and well. Allow yourself the freedom enjoying today.

I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.                                                    Philippians 4:11-12 (The Message)