Alley Cat

We love our neighborhood.  It is a wonderfully thought-out community with lots of green space, playgrounds, and easy to access to great trails for walking/running/cycling.  There is a wide mix of home styles and price points here.  In some parts of the neighborhood, the lots are bigger, but the homes on our street are nestled tightly side-by-side.  We are really close to our neighbors.  I joke that we could paint their siding by reaching out our windows, and I’m not so sure it’s an exaggeration.

Many of the homes here, including ours, have the garages tucked away behind them.   I love the way this makes the street look – with the fronts of our houses lined up in a tidy row. I also love that this creates a second set of roads in the neighborhood. There are the named streets – where our front doors are and then there are the unnamed and hidden (unless you look for them) garage access alleys.

When I’m out running, I make a point to veer off the streets in favor of the alleys.

While the street-side view is very “cookie cutter,” the alley-side view is more interesting; so personal and individualized. From the back alleys, I see basketball hoops, potted plants and vegetable gardens, toys for the kids, hammocks.  I see patios and decks and fire pits – places where people really sit and talk to one another or share a meal. It is where the living happens.

This “two-sided-ness” is so much like the way many of us live life, isn’t it? The view we show to the public – our “front door self” is tidy and standardized. Sure, we have different styles, and we are different sizes and colors, but when we leave home, most of us go for the good impression. We put our best foot forward and often, it is wearing an uncomfortable shoe because it looks better. We present as though we’ve covered the details; we look like we have our “ish” together.  But when we are home or just with our family, where we can relax, in our stretchy pants and favorite threadbare lucky t-shirts, that’s who we are when we are really living. There might be dishes in the sink, piles of papers on the counter, laundry in progress – or maybe not.  Maybe we decide to skip the laundry today because it is more important to spend time as a family or read to our kids or visit with a friend who needs to know they aren’t alone.  My point is that we all need a place where we can be our real life self.

(Side note: I’ve noticed in my own life that sometimes the relaxed side of me that my family sees is not the best version of my self.  At times, I have been guilty of putting more effort into being kind or patient with the people I pass “on the sidewalk” than to being kind and patient under my own roof.  This is something I’ll bet we can all work on, but it is not the focus of this post.)

Here’s what I’m wondering: what would life be like if we were quicker to share our real selves with one another?  Are we brave enough to be real in public?  Do we even want to try?

For a long time, I tried to only show my “front door” self to people – to look like I had it all together – that I was handling life well.  I think I was successful, at it, too.  A few years ago, a person that Rob and I were in a small group with commented that he found me “intimidating as Hell.”  This from a guy who is almost twice my size, with a deep baritone voice who has served in the military and “seen things.” He’s the kind of man who owns his “stuff.” He is honest and real, the way I want to be.  I guess I had fooled him into thinking I had no “stuff” of my own.

How sad, that I was hiding behind a facade that made others feel like they couldn’t or shouldn’t be themselves, either.

These days, I’m trying to live a more honest life.  Of course, I’d like to be a role model and leader, and maybe I am for some, but when you look into my life, I don’t want you to believe I’ve got it all together.  I  want you to know the truth:

“Look what Jesus has brought me out of” and “Look how much I need Him, still.”

There is much freedom when we understand that Jesus breaks the bondage of sin and there is much freedom when we allow Him to help us also break free from the bondage of man’s opinion. The best days for me are the days on which I care more about God’s opinion than what any person thinks…including myself.