Hello, Humility. Nice to see you again (and again).

I am the quintessential first-born daughter. Reliable. Conscientious. Rule follower. Intent on doing what is expected. Motivated to do the right thing – the “right way.” A worker who earns her keep, does at least her fair share, goes the extra mile.  I like being this way.

But it is not the most important thing about me.

Over the last several years, as my faith has grown, I have learned how important it is to find my identity and value in who I am in Christ, and not in my ability, achievements, or “right-ness.” I have worked on it.  Learning this has helped me forgive myself when I make mistakes and to extend grace to others, too. I thought I had a pretty good handle on it.  But recently, it became obvious that I was only part of the way there.

Up to this point, most of my practice of the principle has been in forgiving myself when I don’t do things perfectly, and not taking pride in my self when (let’s be honest) I regularly managed to perform pretty darn well at the things that are important to me.

This Summer, opportunities for practice have abounded. 🙂  In the process of readying our house to put a “For Sale” sign in the yard, there have been long days and nights of the necessary work and decisions that go hand-in-hand with that. Consequently, there were many things I had to say “no” to, or only do “half-way.” In the chaos of it all, I made major calendaring blunders, let friends and family down, didn’t have the energy to listen well, and daily said “no” to (or ignored) things I knew I should do and ordinarily would do without second thought. I didn’t pull my weight. I didn’t go the extra mile. Most days I felt like I couldn’t even go the regular mile. I grew accustomed to the perpetual feeling that I was failing (not just making a few mistakes by accident) and I lost track of how many people I had let down.

By the way, if you are one of the many who have extended Grace to me this Summer, Thank You.  It has not gone unnoticed. 

I am thankful that God always meets us right where we are.

He held me up during this season of unreliability and mistake-making.  He comforted me as I let go of my expectations that I could/should always do things correctly.  He was there, lavishing Grace, as I watched the failures pile up.  None of this was easy for me emotionally, but it was bearable as I kept my eyes on God.

The most important thing about me is even more obvious now (at least to me).  I am a child of God.  I am saved by the redeeming blood of Jesus Christ.  His Grace is sufficient for me.   Whether I am able to do the right thing the right way or whether I fall flat on my face, all of the important stuff is still true.

Lord, help me remember.